12시간 정도 앞두고

생각해보니 부모의 소원와 바람을 별로 들어 준 적이 없는 것 같다.
 
단호하게 안된다는 것을
몇 달을 새벽까지 조르고 틈만 나면 졸라서
고등학교를 타지로 훌쩍 떠나 버린 것.

이과 가서 의사가 되길 바라는 걸 1mm만 내보이기만 해도
자식 앞길 막는다고 되려 화 내면서 문과 가 버린 것.

대학 원서 쓸 때도 한 마디 없이 그냥 서울로 뚝딱 가서 내고 온 것.
전공도 내 맘대로 정한 것.

심지어 학부 졸업도 안 가르쳐주어 
자식새끼 대학 졸업식도 제대로 못 간 것.
(나중에 속상해 하는 것 같아 다음 학기 남들 졸업할 때 끼어서 같이 하긴 했다만...)

그냥 취업하길 바랬는데 한마디 상의 없이 대학원 가버린 것.
그리고 또 그냥 유학 가 버리는 것.

가끔 상의라는 것도 하긴 했지만
결국 난 내가 하고 싶은 것만 했다.

부모님의 소원이 있었다.
우스갯 소리로, 
"니 군대 가서 자대 배치 받으면 그 앞에 가서 라면 가게 하면서 2년 놀아야지.."

난 그 소박한 소원도 전문연구요원으로 가는 바람에 홀딱 깨 버렸다.


어느덧 훈련소 간다는 말이 민망한 나이가 되어 버렸고,
그렇기에 누구와 함께 가는 것이 좀더 민망하다.

열두시간 후면 중고등학교 때도 제대로 해 보지 못한 짧은 머리를 하고
어색하게 사람이라는 걸 잠시 잊어야 하는 무리 안에서
시간 가기만을 기다리며 보내야 한다.

2년간 부대 앞에서 라면 장사 하면서 아들 잠깐잠깐 보기를 바라는 
부모 소원을 못드리는 대신
내일, 조금 창피하고 민망하고 쑥스럽지만 
부모님과 함께 논산으로 간다.

들어가며 할 멘트도 생각했다.
"2년은 아니지만, 한 달 바짝 훈련소 앞에서 라면 팔아 좀 두둑히 벌어둬!"


추신.
내일 훈련소에 들어갑니다.
다들 한 달 동안 무사하길 바랍니다.


Posted by Q-Ho

2009/02/19 01:10 2009/02/19 01:10
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